coping...

i survive... i survive the tortures and the miss-ings last night... ^^

full-stop

finally, the sun and the earth's story is coming to the end. the sun had marked an full-stop on 18th Dec, 2 days before the 4th anniversary. i know the problem between us had exists long time ago but both of us are not brave enough to face it. i knew this is gonna happen anyhow or anytime but the fact and the reality are difficult to accept. thinking the one i use to call darling is no longer my darling anymore. it hurts. plus during the Christmas season, we see each other everyday. this makes the situation become worst. he did try to save the relationship but i decided to listen to my brain and not my heart. but, the only thing i know now is I miss him.... missing him badly...

harder...

work harderrrrrr...........

Armor of God

¹³Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

¹⁴Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,

¹⁵and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

¹⁶In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

¹⁷Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Ephesians 6:13-17

Stay focus

should never lose focus
on what i am doing
if not,
life will become meaningless

always remember that
don't be like the church in Ephesus
never forsake
the passion and dreams
that i use to have

knowing that
a vase
need to be moulded
by the potter
before it becomes
beautiful and valuable
bare in mind
never surrender to challenges
no matter how tough they are

so, stay focus...

Update

came back from PD for 3 days already. haven't started anything except for sleep too hard. sleeping for the whole day since friday. don't find myself eager to start my revision for EOS. right noe i only have 7 days, 13 hours and 30 minutes left. i am sure this is not enough for me to revise especially BMS and holistic.

the only thing i can do is CONQUER myself. i am sure if i keep on finding reasons for myself to procrastinate, success will leave me.. and of course my 3.5 . oh nooo.... gonna do something about it.. ^^

~~~~
today finally went to the church in kota kemuning. i forgot the english name for the church but it is a pretty nice church. i mean the brothers and sisters and the pastor in-charge. but one thing bad is the church youths are not active. the youth and adult fellowship is freezing currently. i am thinking, how can i survive living in a church that don't have fellowships? not even cell groups. then i can onlt join for sunday service and not even sunday school. huh... this wil be tough for me because i need fellowship like what i had in my hometown church. a place for brothers and sisters with this age like me to mix and worship together. how??? what should i do? find a new church? join other church's fellowship? not joining fellowships? i wonder....

however, God had brought me to this church, i think He has His plan for me.. just pray hard and follow His will while He does the rest. that is what i learnt from today's sermon.

last week in tung shin

yesteray, the ah ma with liver failure passed away in the hospital. i remember the last minute i was looking at her, gasping for air but the next minute, she had already gone. feeling sad, and tears just rolled down uncontrollable. felt so sad while helping in her LO but i know, she had gone to haven to be with the Lord.

~~~~
leaving to PD later... just finished packing and i cant stop shaking my head when i see my lagguge. terrible. there are so much things to bring, including lots of food!! haih... dunno how am i coming back at the end of the posting. *yawn* good night.

Life

Life, a precious gift given by God.
with a healthy body, we are able to live a great life.
nice food, the thing i enjoy the most.
the wonderful creation, which make me adore the awesome God.

but life can be taken away anytime,
maybe because of accident, disaster or disease.
and it can also be taken away,
just because of the nature cycle of human being,
going back to heaven,
to live in eternity.

appreciate life, and the health given by the Heavenly Father.
with all i have,
i'll do something, for the people who need help.
serve the community,
and let people know that there's someone who care for them.

~~~~
this afternoon, when i am working in the ward, i meet an old woman. she's 83 years old and she has a bad health condition. i am not sure about the medical diagnosis, but she has very low BP. both of her hand is on IV drip to give continuous medication so that her BP does not fall beyond the bod er line. and the worst things is she keep passing loose melaena stool. her condition is not positive, so we shifted her to the bed near the nurse counter.

later in the evening, i get a chance to do perineum care for her. her condition is far more negative than what i thought. the blood being passed out is a lot more than the stool. according to the I/O chart, she had passed 6 times of the malaena stool is the morning. the large amount of blood lost affects her BP. after the procedure, i am told by the staff nurse that the doc had declare that she's in DIL. her daughter all come and visit her, talk to her but she's too week to give any respond. i am so sad when i know nothing can be done for her recovery. i wish i can still see her tomorrow.. i pray....

Hurt

haha... hurt myself twice in a week. got my left ankle twisted on thursday and accidently cut my right leg on saturday. sob sob....

starting...

the first day of clinical... although just sitting down for briefing, discussion and hospital tour, but still very tired after the orientation. tonight gonna sleep early and tomorrow have to wake up at 4 something for morning shift... crazy!!

to me, tong shin hospital will be an exposture to me, learning to appreciate what i use to have in my life. i got to see what is happening at another side of the world which i have not seen before. i am so blessed in the sense of the luxury that i enjoy when i am ill. at least i do not have to stay in a building that looks like the 60's building (although it is built in the 60's), walking through the scary corridor like what can be seen in the horror movie with all the antique grills and the fan which gives the "hoo hoo" sound when it turns.

and one more thing, the sister in my ward is so fierce. she talks so fast even before i manage to write it down. she told us, even you all have not learnt, but you all should know. =.=" hopefully i won't get scoldings from her.. impossible.....

well, going back home for MUET speaking test tomorrow after duty.. the test is on wednesday 7.30am, the earliest round. it seems like i can never escape from waking up early in the morning. haih... dunno what to prepare for the test. haven't started any preparation yet.... :(

知己

朋友 因为与她的知己发生了一些问题 而失去了一个好朋友
在电话里 聊着聊着
听得出 她非常珍惜这段友谊
她这位朋友 在她的生命里 扮演了很重要的角色
他的支持 对她非常重要
她告诉我 失去了一个忠实的支持者 安慰者 聆听者
让她感觉 心灵空虚 也没了一个 可以舒解压力的地方

她羡慕我 没有让朋友从身边溜走
因为彼此的问题 而失去了友谊
在失望的时候 有压力时 还有朋友的安慰与支持

我想 不是的
是因为我知道 有一位朋友
从来不嫌我烦 耐心地在聆听
从来不计较我遇到什么困难 一定在我身边支持我
无论我有多么的失望 他的安慰从来不曾缺席
无论我有多么的讨厌 他依然是我的知己
我们之间 不只是友情 还有爱情
因为他爱我 我也爱他
不只是爱情 还有亲情
因为我是他的宝贝 我也叫他 阿爸天父

也是因着他的存在 我不寂寞 不孤单
随时都可以 向他倾述

主耶稣 谢谢你

亲爱的小姐：忘记背后，努力面前，向着目标前进。不要让这件事成为你的绊脚石，让你一直以来的用功给白费掉。加油哟！！支持你...

The day is coming

woo....
tomorrow is the briefing on clinical posting..
time flies...
the day is coming.
my feeling?
excitied and also nervous.
i am not fully prepared yet.
not competent enough
got to revise all the procedures again..
nervous......

joke

last week i learned how to do last office for the expired patient and this afternoon, my class supposed to be practicing in the open ward. so my group were busy doing the procedure while i was busy watching at the side. when it came to sponging part, suddently we saw one of my groupmate wiping the manikin in circular motion. we looked at each other and sensed that something was wrong with the action. when we got what was wrong, we just could not stop laughing and laughing until the other classmates were looking at us. wahaha...

well, wiping in cicular motion is to promote blood circulation. but the expired patient had already dead and the blood circulation had stopped after the heart stop pumping. it will be funny to promote blood circulation on the deceased. :D now only i realise why the lecturers always tell me to work with common sense and think (where the planning comes in) before doing anything. i can't imagine if this happen in the clinical, the tutor or RN will most probably cannot stop from shaking their head.

anyway, this is the last week of the theory session and i really need to pull my socks up. i think i should be more focus on practicing and getting things clear in my mind. i hope i won't create any silly jokes in the hospital with my poor patients....

Unbelivable

unexpected.. now only i realise actually i can do it. never expect this before. always supress my self confidence and make me think i will not be able to do it. actually, all these are because of mental settings. if i think i can do it, i will be able to make it. i will develop a positive mind towards it and put more effort into it. because biochem is my another weakest subject besides maths :P

unbeliveable thing is that i can understand protein and lipid metabolism by myself. usually have to go and ask classmates and pity them explaining a few times to me only i will be able to understand. although still got some parts i am not sure, but at least not like last time looking at the God knows notes and terminology and keep falling asleep.

anyway, tomorrow is the test. anatomy and physiology. gonna reward myself no matter how's the result.. :P but tonight will be the last war fighting with sleepiness for A&P...

overslept

bacause i am too tired or lack of self-control? i wonder... better get things start now.

Inefficient

so inefficient... studied for the whole day but only manage to cover protein and lipid structure. both also got stuck at the metabolism part. don't understand plus books only explain very briefly. make me so tension. haih... biochem is always my weak topic.

交托

正在准备考试的时候，突然想起必须打电话安排在PD posting的住宿。唉，烦人的工作。可是如果再不安排的话，整组同学就要睡路边了。整组人的命运就靠我了。 ：P

一口气打了给condo 的4个agen。有些没有单位，不然就是太贵。奇怪的是，当我于第4个代理联络时，他竟然知道我的名字！之后他说会联络我，但又没拿我的电话号码。心想：代理们会不会在互通消息？我一个一个去联络会不会被列入黑名单？万一他们都合谋不出租或出高价来欺负我这个学生怎么办？

越想就越担心，书也读不进脑了。明天早上就要考试了叻。突然间，有两节经文出现在脑海里，
“不要为明天忧虑，明天自有明天的忧虑;一天的难处一天当就够了。”-太6：34
“我的恩典够你用”

顿时心里安定了，会用理智来思考了。将一切交托吧！神早已知道我会面对困难，他也知道有什么挑战在前面等着我。可是我的神是满有慈爱，怜悯的神。他的应许也从不落空。交托吧，在祷告中纪念就好...


p/s:在记录着这篇文章时，收到了其中一个代理的短讯，给了我答复及价钱。感谢主！早知就不想那么多了... ：）

Forgive

“Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44)

Accidently saw this post while i was wondering around on facebook just now. (I know i shouldn't be online now but just can't control myself.. haha :P) I think this verse appears in a very right time. I should learn how to forgive the others and love my 'enemies'. There are really some 'enemies' and people that i don't like appearing in my life, but it's time for me to learn to love them... (incredible...)

The Bible wants me to pray for those who despitefully use me, and persecute me... It's really impossible sometimes, but a good lesson to learn.

Well, tomorrow is the Intro test. It weights and stands to certain extend in contributing to the final scores of the module. Feeling lost now.. Don't know what the style of the question will look like. So many stuff stuck in my mind and don't know how to prioritize the knowledge. haha.. Maybe i should re-organize them...

Father Lord, please bless me with energy, for not falling asleep on the study table and bless me with an alert mind...

Thanks for everything...

I know that you are the one that I can speak to whether I am sad or happy. You are the one who will always listen to all my craps patiently. You are the one that will always support me in whatever I do. You are also the one who will always care for me whether i am sick or well. I appreciate that so much. Thanks for everything you have done for me...

I will try my best to be a friend that you like. And please forgive me if i didn't do it well all these times...

Sorry and i love you...

first post...

well, finally have a blog and posted few words on it.. :) moving from friendster's blog to blogspot.
this will be the corner for me to express anything in me.. haha...